clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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