just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
i need some magic done to my vagina
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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