Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
