you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
