I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
