you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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