The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
