Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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