shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
