Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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