So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
