She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
