Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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