My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
