She announced her abortion via fbk
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
