dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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