Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
