theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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