so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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