and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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