What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
