His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
