You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
