this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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