Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
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