had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
