what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
