dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
