Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
