So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
