His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
