im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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