I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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