if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Randomize
