I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
