So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
