she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
