I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
