girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
