she was so not down for the gang bang
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
