I feel like abortions should bother me more
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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