I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
