Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
