I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
