There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
