I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
