i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
