I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
How does one acquire holy water?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
