Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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