Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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