This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
