My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
