the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
