If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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